Sunday 4 November 2018

When Ma met Baba for the first time: (1958)

Theirs was an arranged marriage. Nothing surprising about that, of course. Dadu and Attama ( aar ekta Ma?)lived in Gangtok. Attama (my maternal grandmother) had come down from Sikkim (Gangtok), rented a house on Sardar Shankar Roy Road for a year, and done all the marriage preparations there. Such dedication. Such committment to beauty. No one in my father's family had seen such an elaborate wedding in a long time.

Baba lost his father (a doctor) when he was 19. They used to live in Warren Hastings's house in Howrah then. Thakurdada was a Civil Surgeon. He died at 50. Had problems with alcohol. Reckless man. Once my father and older uncle ( Jethu) had seen him vomit after he came home. They had sworn that they would never touch alcohol in their entire life. Baba kept his oath. Jethu didn't . According to my parents my father's brothers, particularly, Jethu and Sejo Kaku didn't like Baba because of his extreme strictness. But he had a demonic temper. And that is a terrible thing. I find it hard to forgive him for certain actions, words and attitudes.

Anyway, when Baba came to 'see' Ma (kone dekha )for the first time, she sang, 'Chokher aloi dekhechhilem chokher bahire' which translates into 'When my eyes had light, I only looked outward'.My esteemed father heard 'bahire' (outside) as 'baalire' or 'sand'. We all know that sand pricks the eyes and is uncomfortable.

He came home and fussed and fussed over that word till I think they looked it up in the Gitabitan (compendium of Tagore songs) and realized that the word was 'bahire' and not 'baalire'.

Once Ma wore lipstick for an evening's outing together, and he just broke it up (cancelled it) and came home. How extreme, unkind and ruthless! I've never asked her how she felt about this. I've just heard about the incident.

He used to walk before his sisters when he went out with them, lest anyone think that he was hanging out with girls. :)

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